i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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