You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
