Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
