question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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