I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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