I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
