that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
