I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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