I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize