I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
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I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She's the barista slut.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
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I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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