I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
