jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
