I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
