I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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