I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
