The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
