Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
