Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
