I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
