Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
