he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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