Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
someone threw a dead crab at me
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
