I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
