What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
