I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
