That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
