we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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