Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
