I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
third nipple confirmed
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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