what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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