So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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