he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
