dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
