I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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