I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
