I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
