I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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