TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize