You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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