I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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