Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
