we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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