He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
