allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
