we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
