I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have post one night stand depression
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