Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
