i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
