i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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