hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i think my mom watched the whole time
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
