In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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