She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
