hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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