Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
