I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
