I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
