Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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