Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
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On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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