i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
