My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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