Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
