I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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