How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
