You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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