i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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