Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
