We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
