I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
And my parents said I crawled through the house
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
