i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
