Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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