I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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