This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
